Anger. Frustration. Irritability. Worry. What mom doesn’t struggle with these things, at least from time to time? Parenting is hard, and there’s no way to completely avoid tough moments with our kids. It just comes with the job description, doesn’t it? Here’s what I’ve found that helps me be a little kinder to myself and my kids during these times: mindfulness.
When I first heard about mindfulness a few years ago, I wasn’t sure if it was right for me. And I really wasn’t sure how I could fit it in between the 50 things that seemed to need doing all at once now that I was a mom. I thought it was something vague. (Actually there are lots of specific mindfulness practices, but I didn’t know that!)
Fast forward to today, and I’ve realized that my busy life means that I really need mindfulness practices and tools! Here are five ways that being mindful is helping me become a better parent.
Copyright: julief514 / 123RF Stock Photo
Disclosure: For your convience, this post includes affiliate links. If you purchase items through these links, I may earn a small commission at no additional cost to you. You can read my full disclosure policy here.
5 Ways Mindfulness Helps Me Be a Better Mom
1. Weekly yoga class reminds me that my body matters
As moms, it’s easy to feel like our kids take over our bodies, or that we don’t have time to pay attention to our bodies. Kids are crawling over you all day, and sometimes you don’t even feel like you have time to go to the bathroom.
I want to be a less anxious, more compassionate mother. Compassionate both to my children and to myself. And I’ve realized that I can’t be centered, calm, and loving if I ignore my body.
So I turned to yoga. At first, I didn’t feel like I had time or money to go to regular classes. I did yoga at home when I could using these Yoga Pretzels cards. (We have them on hand for our youngest, but they’re great for adults too.) This Yoga CD from Putumayo also helped me tune out some of my anxious thoughts during my yoga practice.
Now I usually do yoga at home at least a couple times a week, but I also try to go to a class at least once a week. When I step back into the door of our home, I feel truly present in my body. That makes my whole attitude lighter and more compassionate as I dive back into motherhood and all its needs.
Related Post: Mindfulness For Kids – Our Favorite Resource
2. Mindfulness helps me put down my phone and pay better attention
Full disclosure: my relationship with my phone is very much a work in progress. I’m definitely not yet where I want to be!
Our youngest recently turned six, and he’s in a phase of non-stop talking. I know it’s important for his development, and completely normal, but oh my, is it exhausting to listen to!
When my ears get tired, I often find myself zoning out on my phone, scrolling on Facebook for much longer than I meant to. And I don’t feel one bit more refreshed.
The guide How to Break Up With Your Phone has helped me take a closer look at the ways I’m using (and mis-using) my phone.
I’ve found that when I can put away my phone and truly listen to my little chatterbox, things change. I feel space open up inside me. And, I’ve often seen that once I’ve listened, then he’s ok with me taking a short nap after our talk. That’s a lot more refreshing to my body and spirit that scrolling through my newsfeed!
Speaking of phones and mindfulness, I also really enjoy using the app Calm to do short meditations and to find relaxing music. (Not an affiliate link, I just like them!)
Related Post: Yoga for Kids: Best Children’s Books about Yoga and Mindfulness
3. Breathing helps me respond to my son when he’s angry
You know that saying “when Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy?”
Well, I used to think that when my little one wasn’t happy, that meant I couldn’t be happy either. His anger is forceful, and too often it provokes anger inside me.
When I’m able to take a minute to slow down and breathe, it gives space for calm and compassion to emerge. Sometimes that means I have to step out of the room to do my breathing.
But then I can return to him, knowing that this is not an emergency. When I’m calm, I can help him get to calmer place more quickly.
Quick tip: I’ve found that if I look upward (especially if I can step outside for a minute) while I do my breathing, it’s even more effective at lifting my spirits.
Related Post: How to Yell Less in Three Days
4. Loving kindness meditation gives me perspective
Have you ever tried a loving kindness meditation? I’ve found this simple meditation is incredibly powerful in helping me move towards unconditional love for myself, my children, and others.
When my children are behaving in ways I find problematic, it’s easy for me to get focused on the negative. “Why is he doing that?! I’ve told him a million times not to do that!” Loving kindness meditation reminds me that what I most want is health, happiness, joy, and safety for my children.
When I’m in touch with that powerful truth, I often realize my response to their behavior is not going to bring happiness, safety, or joy to our family. A different response is needed.
You can find many versions of the loving kindness meditation from a variety of different sources. I like to use the one found in Mindful Kids (which you can also teach to your children!)
Related Post: How to Avoid Starting a Power Struggle with Your Child
5. Noticing my feelings helps me move through them quicker
So much of mindfulness is about awareness. Stopping to observe how we are feeling, both physically and emotionally, is something most of us don’t do enough.
It’s taken practice, but I’ve found the more I pause and notice my feelings, the more I’m able to process them. And once I’ve named those feelings to myself, I can better decide what to do to help me deal with that emotion.
Some days, a feeling may not go away completely. If I notice that I’m feeling irritable, it simply helps to note it to myself.
Then, when my husband leaves the drawer hanging open or my 6 year old yells at me, I can remind myself that I’m irritable. That means I should pause before I respond. Sometimes I realize that I don’t need to respond at all.
Other times, I can see what I need to do to move to a new feeling. If I feel disconnected and frustrated with our youngest, I try to make time to play with him. That almost always helps us both move to a happier place.
Have you ever tried mindfulness? How has it shaped your parenting?
