The week that school started, my husband was tucking our 6 year old into bed one night. Our son looked up and said “Dad, I’ve just been feeling really upset, and I don’t know why.” We’d both noticed that our son was having trouble with anger management. Requests to do routine things often led to him yelling and stomping to his room.

My husband talked to him about some possible reasons he might be feeling upset. Getting back into the school routine is tiring. Several of his friends had moved to new schools this year. Our son didn’t think it was because of either of those things, but he knew that he was upset.

My smart husband started talking about how meditation helps him when he’s upset or frustrated. They decided to try meditating together using a phone app. It really seemed to help him calm down.

When my husband told me all this, I realized it was finally time to try something I’d been thinking about for a long time.

Now was the perfect time to create a peace corner, a Montessori idea that helps children calm down and manage their anger.

Anger management strategies for kids: our Montessori peace corner

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How calm down corners help kids manage their anger

When I was growing up, it was very common for kids to be sent to time out if their feelings got intense or explosive. As my son has started the elementary years, I can see that he does often need time and physical space from others to calm down when he’s upset.

But the problem with time out is that it’s a punishment. It sends kids the message (whether intended or not) that expressing their feelings strongly is unacceptable, and so they need to be separated from others.

A calm down area in your home or classroom is a different type of strategy. It’s a kid-friendly space that children have available to them to help them manage the rushes of big feelings that they go through so often.

A child isn’t ordered to go to a calm down area. They’re invited to go there if they feel like it would help them feel better.

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What’s special about Montessori peace corners?

Peace is at the heart of Montessori education. Maria Montessori believed that it was vital that humans learn to resolve conflicts without violence.

And she thought that children could begin working toward that huge goal by starting with inner peace at a young age. As they get a bit older, they can begin to work on peace with others, by learning to peacefully resolve conflicts with their classmates.

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Our son has been attending a wonderful Montessori school for more than 3 years now. Each day, the children recite a morning intention about peace and relationships based on this quote from Gandhi.

Each year at his school, parents are asked to observe their child’s classroom two times during the year.

One of the areas I’m always drawn towards watching is the peace area. In his classroom, children can come to this area when they need some quiet and calm. There are books about peace to look through, a labryinth they can trace, and other materials that help children reflect and sooth.

A child who is having a conflict with another child can also ask the other person to go to the peace table with them. There, the children are able to talk out their difficulties without having to have an adult resolve their conflict for them.

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How a peace corner at home has helped my son with anger management

When I asked our son if he’d like to have a peace area at home, he was very excited about the idea.

We talked about how it was a place he can go to meditate if he’s feeling anxious or sad. I also reminded him that it might be a place he wants to go when he’s upset with me or his father.

At the bottom of the post, I’ve included a list of what’s in our peace area. Keep reading if you want to create your own peace corner!

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At first, our son wanted to be in the peace area simply because it was quiet, calm and truthfully, because it was new.

But after the newness wore off, he still visited fairly often when his big feelings would overwhelm him. I would ask him to do something, or deny his request for screen time, and he’d say angrily “I’m going to my peace corner!”

After a few minutes, he’d return. Usually he was still sad that I was telling him it was bedtime or that he couldn’t play video games. But we were able to have a conversation, which we couldn’t do before.

I’ve noticed that his use of the peace corner has also helped me with my own anger management issues. In the past, his anger would often provoke mine, and I’d start lecturing him.

Now, while he’s calming down, I have a few moments to remind myself that “this is not an emergency.” I don’t need to get caught up in his drama. I can respond calmly and with kindness.

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What’s in our Montessori-inspired calm down corner

Every Montessori peace corner is different. We gathered some tools and items we had at home already. I ordered a few extra things that I thought would help the area be especially calming for him. Our son was an active part of the curation process, which I think is a part of the reason he likes the area so much.

I set ours up in an unused corner of my office, in front of a large window. I think that being able to watch the wind blow through the trees and observe nature also helps with the calm down process.

Here’s what’s currently in the peace area:

• A rainstick (the gentle noise is very soothing)
• Mindful Kids activity cards (we love these!)
• A portable CD player
• Calm music CDs (currently we have this Putumayo Kids yoga CD. Our son also likes to listen to books on CD in the peace area.)
• Peace is an Offering picture book
• Miniature Zen garden (sometimes I sneak up to the peace corner to use this! Having it inside an extra tray prevents mess.)
• Poster with his school’s morning intention displayed
• A notebook and pencil for free drawing
• A small rug to define the area
• A cushion to sit on (especially nice for meditation)
• Tibetan chimes
• A soft blanket
• A small collection of smooth rocks in a bowl

If you want to use your peace corner for conflict resolution between siblings, you may also want a small table with two chairs. It’s also helpful to have some type of object that the children can take turns holding while they talk.

Want to see more examples of peace corners? This round-up post from Living Montessori Now has a lot of helpful examples.

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