Did your parents raise you to be colorblind? You probably know by now that teaching kids to ignore race is harmful rather than helpful.
But how can you raise your own kids to be antiracist if you don’t have a model to follow?
Antiracist parenting is long-term work; there are no quick, magical solutions.
But I can offer you ideas on where to start (or go deeper if you’ve already started.)
Here are 7 ways to move beyond the colorblind ideology you were taught as a child so that your family can practice antiracism.
7 ideas for embracing antiracist parenting (especially if your own parents raised you to be colorblind)
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1. Start talking about race with your kids, even if you’re afraid you’ll make mistakes.
You don’t need to have the answer to every potential question your child might ask. And if you make a mistake? That gives you a chance to go back and show your child where you messed up, and how you’re correcting your mistake.
For young children, noticing and naming the variety of skin tones people have is a good place to start. We can also notice out loud when a book or TV show only shows white people.
It’s important to move beyond vague conversations about equality and explicitly name race and racism with our children. Get tips on how to do that in my free guide “what’s wrong with saying we’re all equal?”
If your own parents shushed you when you tried to talk about race in an effort to help you be “colorblind,” you might feel some anxiety when you bring up race with kids. The good news is that these conversations get easier the more we have them.
These tips can help you overcome anxiety so you can talk to kids effectively about race.
2. Reach out to other parents who reject the colorblind approach and embrace antiracism
Dismantling racism within ourselves and in our communities is exhausting. If we don’t have support and accountability with others, we’ll burn out.
There are also particular challenges to doing antiracism work with children that only other parents and educators can understand.
Finding your community – even with just 3 or 4 other folks – is powerful.
Many antiracist parents also find that having accountability and support with others folks of their same race can be especially effective.
For example, a colleague of mine recently formed a monthly antiracism group for Asian and Pacific Islander American parents. Parents in the group knew they needed a space to both examine how anti-Black racism exists in their communities, and to respond to racism their families experience themselves.
Parenting for Liberation periodically holds events where Black parents can explore healing and resilience in the face of racism.
I offer space for parents raising antiracist white children in my Nurturing Antiracist White Children course. We learn skills and explore tools together, but even more importantly we develop relationships so that folks feel less alone.
3. Learn from other parents and teachers’ race conscious conversations
If you don’t have a model for antiracist conversations with kids because of your colorblind childhood, you have to find those models!
Especially if you’re talking with kids about stereotypes or racist violence, it helps to listen in on other peoples’ conversations.
I often point parents of young kids to a video of parent Jillian Best talking to her 5 year old about George Floyd’s murder. Jillian is tuned into her child’s response and follows their lead, so that she doesn’t overwhelm them. But she also doesn’t shy away from the truth. (Find the video, plus other race conscious conversations between kids and parents, here.)
Educators also need models of talking about race and making their classrooms antiracist spaces.
Though teachers may face pushback from a minority of parents, I can’t think of another time in recent history where such a large percentage of people understand that we must talk to kids about racism.
Find 9 inspiring examples of educators practicing antiracism in this post.
4. Use children’s books to replace colorblind language with race conscious conversations.
Many parents and teachers who weren’t sure how to talk about race have found that using the right children’s books is a gamechanger.
It’s important to pause and discuss as you’re reading, so that you can monitor what kids are (or aren’t) understanding, and get their input.
That also gives you an opportunity to make connections between the story and real life.
Sometimes books help us unpack terms that we’re not sure how to describe to kids. For example, I found my favorite definition of race for young kids in The Fair Housing Five and the Haunted House, a picture book about housing discrimination.
Tiffany Jewell’s This Book Is Anti-Racist unpacks many important terms about race for tweens and teens. I especially like the way she helps young adults link their own lives with what race means in our larger society.
Books can also be a window into the lives of groups of people who don’t live in your particular community. My city has very few indigenous people, so reading books like Indian No More is one way our family can learn both about Native American cultures, and the history of anti-American Indian racism.
Find more books to help you have antiracist conversations in these posts:
15 books that help kids and teens understand that Black Lives Matter
18 powerful books for kids and teens about race and racism
5. Take family-friendly action against racism
Antiracist families don’t just talk about race and racism. They also take action to dismantle racism.
Depending on where you live and your children’s unique personalities, there are many different paths action can take.
If your child enjoys taking part in big group activities, making your own signs and going to a march might be a good fit.
But there are also many ways to take action behind the scenes, from antiracist book drives to creating art. This post share examples of kid activists challenging racism in a variety of ways.
Sometimes the ways that we want to take antiracist action as adults may not fit our child’s personalities or needs.
That’s why we spend time in the Nurturing Antiracist White Kids course thinking about each of our children’s “superpowers” that can be used in service of antiracism.
When we tap into what our kids do best, we can better support them.
6. Talk about systemic racism, not just individual acts
One of the biggest misconceptions folks – especially white folks – have about racism is that it’s primarily about deliberate, individual acts of discrimination or cruelty.
Individual actions like teasing someone about their skin color are often the easiest examples for parents to point out to kids.
But once children are elementary age, they’re capable of understanding more subtle, systemic examples of racism.
We can wonder with children about why so many books in the library star white characters, when almost half of children in the U.S. are people of color.
Parents can talk about the overwhelming evidence that Black students are more likely to be suspended from school than white students, even when their behavior is similar.
In the Nurturing Antiracist White Kids course, we also explore metaphors for systemic racism that children can understand.
For example, Dr. Beverly Daniel Tatum has described racism as being like a moving walkway at the airport. The walkway takes us to the destination of racism, because that’s what it’s designed to do. If we stand still on the walkway (i.e. do nothing to challenge racism), we still end up participating in racism.
7. As you dismantle racism inside yourself, pay attention not just to your mind, but also to your body and your spirit
A huge part of doing antiracism work with children is continuing to work on the racism that lives within us as adults (especially for those who are white.)
To root out racism, we can’t stop with reading and learning, or even with taking political action.
We also have to heal our bodies and spirits from the effects of living in a racist system.
Practicing the body and meditation exercises in Resmaa Menakem’s book My Grandmother’s Hands is a crucial part of my antiracism work. Doing these exercises regularly helps me transform fearful, racist responses that have become ingrained in my body.
Participating in workshops and clinics with PeoplesHub has helped me process the heavy feelings of grief, guilt, and overwhelm that can keep me stuck if I’m not attentive to them.
Each week we use a meditation or body practice to start the raising antiracist white kids caregiver reflection circle.
The frantic pace our culture urges us to adapt keeps us from engaging deeply with our children on racism and so many other issues.
We must slow down and be attentive so that we can find the right path to antiracist action for our families. This is lifelong work.
While the work can’t be put off, it also can’t be rushed.