I grew up in South the 1980s. It was a time and place where many white liberals thought that teaching children to be “colorblind” was the best way to end racism. Decades later, it’s clear that pretending race doesn’t matter in our society doesn’t actually do anything to end racism. Instead, what today’s educational and parenting experts on race encourage adults to do is to help children become race conscious.

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The Difference Between Colorblind, Multicultural, and Race Conscious Approaches to Parenting 

The colorblind approach focuses on emphasizing that we are all the same inside and that race does not matter.  It is true that race is a social construct, not a biological one.

But race is a powerful social construct that affects all aspects of our lives. When we teach kids to be colorblind, we’re not equipping them to spot and resist racism when they encounter it.

The multicultural approach to parenting and education is better than the colorblind approach. Multitculturalism emphasizing learning about and celebrating the diversity of cultures that make our society.

You’ll find many of my children’s book lists on this blog use the word multicultural to help parents and educators find resources that tell the kids’ stories from many different ethnic and racial backgrounds.

But multiculturalism by itself is not enough to end racism.

Jennifer Harvey points out in her book Raising White Kids that valuing diversity isn’t an adequate strategy because it ignores the racial power dynamics that are always at play in our society. White people receive “benefits, protections, and privileges in systemic ways while children of color do not,” Harvey writes.

That means we can’t stop at celebrating diversity if we want to dismantle racism.

Race conscious parenting differs from both the colorblind and multicultural approaches by not only naming and exploring with children how we are different. It also explores how the different experiences of power we have based on race affect our lives and our opportunities.

Race conscious parenting doesn’t just explore race; it also gives children opportuntites to resist racism.

Related Post: Six Meaningful Ways Kids Can Celebrate Martin Luther King, Jr. Day

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7 Ways to Raise Race Conscious Kids

Note: I’m writing as the white parent of white children. Many of my suggestions will be most relevant to white kids’ racial development. Especially because white parents are most likely to fill ill-equipped to deal with issues of race and racism, I’m focusing primarily on white kids in this post.

1. Talk explicitly about skin tone and physical differences (including white people’s)

There’s plenty of research that shows children notice skin tone and other markers of race from a very young age.

I remember being slightly horrified when my youngest kid at age 3 couldn’t remember the name of a classmate. Instead, my son kept telling me he was “the kid with the black skin.” (He was actually southeast Asian.)

I could have shushed him. Instead I reminded him of the child’s name, and let him know that his classmate had brown skin. When I asked his teacher for suggestions, she recommended the book Shades of People. 

Although that book does not talk about race, it does point out that there are many different skin tones. We read it several times, and while we did I also made an effort to notice and point out whiteness.

We would talk about how my skin and my son’s skin were “kind of peachy, but that it’s also skin most people call white.”

Why do this? If we don’t point out whiteness to white kids, they can easily absorb society’s message that they “aren’t a race; they’re just normal.”

In Raising White Kids, Harvey points out that it’s important to teach kids that race matters, but it’s not the only thing that matters.

We also want to be careful about perpetuating stereotypes or making assumptions about people based on their perceived race.

For example, Harvey says if her children are in the car and they ask about someone walking down the street, she might respond this way: “You mean that person with a blue coat on, who has light skin – who looks like she might be white?” Or, “You mean the person carrying the backpack, who looks like she might be Latina?”

Race is not the only marker she notes, and she’s careful to use the word “might.” But she also doesn’t avoid mentioning race, because that gives children the message that race is something shameful that we shouldn’t talk about. 

Related Post: Talking about racial injustice with my 6 year old

2. Respond calmly to your children’s questions and comments about race

If they haven’t already, your children will eventually say inappropriate or incorrect things about race. For one, they are children, struggling to understand life. For another, they live in a racist society that sends them all kinds of confusing messages about race.

Responding calmly to your child’s questions or comments encourages them to keep talking to you. When we shush our kids or only say “that’s terrible, promise me you’ll never say that again” with no other discussion, we can leave our kids ashamed and confused.

To raise race conscious kids, we need to have dialogues rather than give lectures.

If your child asks a question that’s rooted in a sterotype, you might start with “why do you ask that?” or “did you hear someone else say that?” Gently correct their misinformation, and make sure your child knows that you are glad they brought up their question.

Related Post: Talking about Racism with my White Children

3. Let your child see you speaking up when others make comments or jokes that are racist. 

I want to acknowledge that learning how to speak up is an on-going process for all of us, myself included. I find it especially challenging to speak up when family members make comments. But I also know how much influence they have on my children.

When we don’t speak up, kids learn that silence or shame is the appropriate response to racism. So, I encourage you (and myself) to speak up when jokes or hurtful comments are made.

Sometimes you may feel like it’s best to speak to the person privately, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But if your child heard the original comments, be sure to let them know that you had a conversation with the person who made them.

Do you freeze up when you hear a racist joke? Frachesca Ramsey from MTV Decoded has these suggestions:

4. If you encounter racism in a children’s book, movie, or song, stop and talk about it. 

A few months ago, my then 5 year old was taking his shower when I heard him sing “what makes the redskin red?” At first, I thought I must have misheard him. I knew what he was singing was based on Disney’s version of Peter Pan, but my little guy doesn’t even watch movies because he finds them too scary.

I asked him to repeat himself (I tried to do it calmly, but I’m not sure I succeeded.) When I asked where he heard it, he said they’d had read the book Peter Pan at school in preparation for the class field trip to see the play.

I told him that was a word that Native Americans found hurtful, and they don’t want people to use it. I explained that their skin is different shades of brown, not red. And I told him that song was meant to make fun of them.

He understood, and that conversation has given us a reference point when we have other conversations about racism. (I also had a productive conversation with his teacher about the book being read in class.)

And of course, if your child experiences or overhears racism at school or somewhere else, be sure to talk it through.

Dont’ be afraid to use the word “racism” to help your child undertand that whatever happened was not just about “being mean.” Giving them a framework and language to understand what happened will help them be prepared to speak up the next time they encounter racism.

Related Post: Anti-Racism Resources for Parents and Teachers

5. Assess your children’s book collection

How diverse is your child’s book collection? Do you have books that help kids understand racism and injustice in both modern and historical settings?

I’ve realized recently that though I have a lot of books about the civil rights movement, I need more books that help my youngest understand that racism is still a reality now.

Just as important, do you have books that show children of color having everyday experiences that are not about injustice?

Author Rumaan Alam has called for more books featuring kids of color that are full of daydreams, outings, relationships, and everyday kid problems. “We need books in which our kids are simply themselves, and in which that is enough,” Alam writes. And white children also need to see kids of color in all aspects of their lives.

Related Posts:

17 #ownvoices Picture Books about Native Americans and First Nations Canadians

11 Children’s Books about Immigrants and Refugees

Best Children’s Books about Black Women Leaders

12 Diverse Children’s Books Written by #OwnVoices Authors

6. Continually develop your own understanding of racism and inequality

Sometimes it’s hard to respond to our children’s questions or experiences of race and racism because we’re not even sure how we would talk to another adult about it.

Giving yourself time to learn and process new understandings of how race works in our society can do wonders for your ability to talk to your kids about race.

A few books and resources I recommend:

MTV Decoded video series

Raising White Kids:  Bringing Up Children in a Racially Unjust America by Jennifer Harvey

NurtureShock: New Thinking about Children by Po Bronson and Ashley Merryman

Uprooting Racism: How White People Can Work for Racial Justice by Paul Kivel

The New Jim Crow by Michelle Alexander

Just Mercy: A Story of Justice and Redemption by Bryan Stevenson

7. Take your child with you to anti-racism forums, marches, and vigils 

Obviously, your child’s age and personality will affect what kind of events you can take them to. But I encourage you to at least try taking your child to an action that has some movement built in (such as a march or rally) before deciding your child is too young.

As I shared recently, my 6 year old at first didn’t want to go to rally protesting the detention of immigrant children. But after we talked about it, he agreed to go as long as he could play on the nearby playground. I know that he saw his father and I taking action and that we had important conversations about injustice and racism because we went to this event together.

Related Post: 12 Ways You Can Be an Activist Mama